Experts, Kids Advise on School Friendship Building

Parents seeking to help their children make friends at a new school can look to advice from both experts and the students who have done it themselves. A report from The Associated Press, republished by The 74, gathers tips for handling these social transitions, from the first day of first grade to the shift into high school.

Schedule playdates and go to birthday parties

For young children, parents hold significant influence over social opportunities. Dr. Asha Barber Sutton, a licensed marriage and family therapist and associate dean at National University, stated that caregivers' actions shape how children experience the world. Parents can seek out connection points like parks, playgrounds, and birthday parties.

Amira Fair, mother of five-year-old Iman Fair-Seldon, actively works against her own introverted tendencies to build her daughter's relationships. "I make it my business to exchange numbers and try to schedule monthly playdates," Fair said. She also made a point of attending every birthday function at her daughter's previous school.

Let kids handle their own friendships

While parents can create opportunities, they cannot manage every friendship. Experts suggest helping children develop their own framework for evaluating peers. Parents can ask questions about what qualities their child values in a friend, such as kindness or honesty. Difficult interactions can even serve as lessons in conflict resolution and personal values.

Jaiden Journet, 14, who is starting at a new high school in North Carolina, advises parents to ask their kids: "Have you found anything you have in common with anyone?"

Help kids get involved

Encouraging involvement in extracurricular activities is a key strategy for meeting people with shared interests. Shia Watts, 16, met friends through theater production at Notre Dame High School in California, an activity she had never tried before. Jamir Gonzalez, now a 16-year-old senior, joined the baseball and debate teams after transferring to Uncommon Camden Prep High School in New Jersey.

"If you have any hobbies, find out if they have that at your school, and if they do, talk to the people that are there," Gonzalez recommended. Experts add that simple gestures like smiling, giving compliments, and asking questions can help start conversations.

Put down the cellphones, sometimes

Technology can be a social barrier. Experts advise parents to encourage children, especially teens, to put devices away at times to be more present. One specific suggestion is for parents to stop texting their children during the school day. However, Dr. Sutton cautions that being overly strict with tech limits can isolate older children socially. She notes that technology also helps maintain long-distance friendships through tools like FaceTime.

Even one friendship counts

A sense of belonging at school significantly impacts student well-being. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, students who feel cared for are less likely to experience poor mental health, substance use, or violence, and are more likely to have better grades and attendance.

Nicole Hockley, co-founder of Sandy Hook Promise, emphasized that one strong relationship can be enough. "Even if you only have one really strong friendship or one strong trusted adult, one strong sense of belonging, that can be enough to really positively affect your well-being," Hockley said. She added that nervous students should remember others are likely seeking connection too.

Five-year-old Iman Fair-Seldon, who starts first grade in New Jersey next month, demonstrated a simple start. She met her best friend by saying, "I like your shirt."